A Series of Unfortunate Events

I don’t even know where to start, I am not the type of person to share such personal things, but I am hoping that this will help me heal and move on.  I am not looking for sympathy, just want be able to give some understanding of what has been happening in my life the past 3 months and why I may have seemed different.  I have been in a fog and in my head for some time now, not realizing until recently that I have been tuning almost everything out in my life as if I have been on autopilot for the past 3 months.

We decided sometime late last year we were going to get our house ready to sell and put it on the market.  I told Dru that I wanted to get through the holidays first and then we could start.  We worked hard for two full months clearing out the house and packing what little we wanted to keep in a POD and countless trips to the dumps and goodwill.  We pretty much purged everything.  We had decided we would be starting fresh, which sounded so good at the time. There were countless hours painting and cleaning and fixing things in the interior to get our house completely empty, because I thought it would sell faster.  We moved in with my parents who have been so generous to us. We finally got the house on the market at the end of May. 

As most of you know I am a planner and I like to have control most aspects of what happens in my life.  I need to have everything laid out and ready to go months in advance.  This home selling process doesn’t allow for me to be on my time.  We are at the whim of some stranger’s to decide our house could be their gem and decide to make it there own. 

We had gotten everything out of our house except for all the tools that we used to fix the house, two bikes and some other miscellaneous items.  I had some time one morning, the same morning that Dru had off and had planned to go get the tools and the left-over things in the garage of the house.  Something told me I should go check on the house, so I drove by, as I pulled up I saw our Garage door wide open and the light on in there.  My heart sank, I knew right away that Mattias’ almost $500 bike was probably gone before I even entered the garage.  I took pictures as I enter the garage, All the tools, and Mattias bike were gone.  I called the realtor first who told me we needed to get the rest of the items out of there, then I called Dru and then the police.  I have never felt so violated, it had to be someone who had walked the house as you wouldn’t know all those items were there without walking the house. 

That day I realized that this process really sucks and I now even more than ever want nothing to do with this house.  I wanted out.  That was June 4^th.

The house wasn’t the only let down / surprise for me.  I should be 17 weeks pregnant right now.  I know...Surprise!  It wasn’t planned, like I said before I am a planner, so we didn’t tell many people at all.  Pretty much it was me and my husband who know for the majority of the time.  We went in for the 9-week checkup, we were both super excited and nervous we were joking about how many we thought it could be (my age and family history of twins) and how we were going to tell people.  The doctor who I adore dearly came in and we did an ultrasound, we saw the baby, but there was no heart beat and it was measure about 6 weeks.  She said that she wasn’t sure what was going on and we should do another follow up checkup in a week, but chances are is that the baby stopped growing at the 6-week mark and we would probably have to abort the baby.  That was probably one of the longest weeks ever, wondering why this was happening.  We still hadn’t told anyone, until the day of the appointment, I told my boss, and one other co-worker boss like person because I wasn’t sure what the process would be and if I did have to abort the baby I didn’t know if I would need to be off work.  We went back to our 10-week appointment and found the same prognosis, no heart beat or fetal movement.  We then had to make the decision on how to have this baby be taken out.  We decide to have it taken out by D&C.  I would just like to say that that procedure is the most awkward and pain full procedure and that I would never want to have go through that again.  I was super sore for days.  You also have to stay low key for the first 3 days, which was hard, since I didn’t share with many people including my kids who still to this day don’t know.  Life was still happening and we still had to go on as if nothing happened.

We finally received an offer on the house and we countered and finally came to an agreement.  The day of the inspections we went to look at this house, which we really liked, while we were walking the house we received a phone call from our realtor and the buyer backed out.  The buyer was at his max purchase price and he was buying the house AS IS because if the offer price that we took, which he had agreed too.   I guess he didn't like the AS IS after all.  We can’t know what’s in the inspection because if we did then we would have to disclose what was found in the inspection.  It just seems like there has been one let down after another the past 3 months.

At work, I have been status quote, I have been doing what I have needed to do to get through the day, but reflecting back, I am and can be better than I have been for the past 3 months.  I haven’t been horrible, but I do have high expectations for myself and I haven’t met those expectations.

I have always believed everything happens for a reason and that there are lessons to be learned when not so great things happen.  But with all of this turmoil I am still trying to understand why, and what the reasons are for these lessons in life. 

I was on Pinterest about two weeks ago and found this post 15 Lessons Learned from Miscarriage. This is when my wake up call began and the fog began to lift.  I am finally present again realizing that I have ignored family including my kids as soon as I get home (my parents’ house), I had sat on their deck and watch life flow right by me.  Not wanting to do anything.  As peaceful as it was and is, I need to get back to the present and start enjoying life again.  Slowly, but surely, I will.

I still have my moments, but by sharing this hopefully this will help me move on and maybe my story will help others.  Know that everyone has their own battles in life and even though it may not seem like it we all are working through something in life, somethings may be good and somethings may not be so good. Life isn't roses all the time and people may not share the difficult things that happen in their life all the time or until they are ready to.