Today you would be 33, it seems like a life time ago

Kristin Ray Duell 10/23/79-12/20/95

It’s hard to believe that today was your 33^rd birthday; it is even harder to believe that you have been gone for 17 years.  I think of you often, wonder what your life is like now.  As I visit your grave site like I do every year on your birthday, I taken in all of the sounds that are going on around me.  Some years, the wind is blowing, the birds chirping, the rain falling, the sun shining, the small animals running through the trees, the pinwheels from the other grave sites spinning and the wind chimes that lay next to your plaque.  It’s just the way you would of wanted it, outdoors & peaceful with the animals.  You were always into nature, animals, and peace.  It is so peaceful spending time with you, I wish I could do it more often, but I always make sure to come on your birthday.  Celebrating your life, it what keeps me going. 

It is really weird, but almost calming that you come to me in my dreams at time.  Like the eve of my wedding, I stayed at my parents’ house that night, I had a dream that it was the morning of my wedding and I went to visit you before I went to get my hair done.  I walked up to your tree and you popped your head out from around the tree.  We didn’t use a lot of words, but somehow we were able to communicate.  We chased each other through the trees, laughed and hugged then my alarm woke me up.  I think it was the best dream I have ever had.  I got right up took a shower, ate breakfast and headed out to see you.  I even told you about my dream, said my peace and went on my way to get married.  There have been other times that you have come to me in my dreams; we are always running and playing in the Forrest like we did as kids in your backyard and your neighbors.

I have found little ways to keep you in my life; right after you passed I created this big picture memorial of you, which I still have.  I love wolves, just like you, I still have the purple candle and plate that I lite in your honor at my wedding, and I had honored to have your parents blessing to name my wonderful daughter after you. 

The day Kristin was born; it was like a breath of fresh air in my life again.  It was almost as if I had you back.  She has blonde hair like you, she doesn’t have brown eyes, she has my blue, instead.  She is full of life, she is friendly and outgoing, she loves horses, she smiles like you use to, she loves the outdoors, dirt and animals, but at the same time, she is athletic like me.  She is the perfect combination of both of our personalities.  She makes me laugh when no one else can, just like you use to.

I only have two regrets in this world when it comes to you, I wish I was stronger and would of went into your room and saw you before you passed.  I make sure that I do that now with all of my family, it was not fair to you that I didn’t do that and for that I am sorry.  The second thing is that I wish I would have stayed in better contact with your parents and brother.  I had planned to stay in contact with your parents, but it was hard, it was hard on me, seeing how hard it was on them.  Your mom and dad are wonderful people they were like my second parents just like you were like my sister. 

You were one of my very best friends in this world, I miss you, and I think of you often.

Love you always